After our son's raucous 7th birthday party on Sunday (007 spy party, held on 07/07, d'you see?), at his school, we headed home, sweaty, laden with parcels almost certainly containing Lego, and thought no Moore of spy parties.
Come Monday morning, lo, a burst water main had closed the school! Out of the blue, on a glorious summer day, the children had NO SCHOOL.
Coupled with the planned teacher training day the Friday before, this amounted to an unexpected long weekend, at least from the children's point of view. What luck!
Hmmm. What was Mother to do. Options options:
1. Complain to the Council. No point, it's Haringey.
2. Go home and complain to the husband. No point, he's trying to earn our mortgage.
3. Shout at the kids. Tempting, but not really fair.
4. Turn on the television. The weather's too nice.
5. Go to Hampstead Lido. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SUNNY DAY IN NORTH LONDON? HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE SLIPPING ABOUT IN SUNTAN LOTION, SCREAMING AS THEY FALL IN THE WATER.
6. Let the children do as they wish. Unthinkable.
7. I know, allow son to open all presents, construct all Lego (maths, physics). Crack out the thank you cards from the party (writing practice). Force daughter to make Greek Musical Instrument out of pasta, glue, cardboard, enamel paint and masking tape from painting the front door the other day (homework, DT). Then force daughter to do, not one, but two maths practice papers, and then force her to go over the corrections (HAH! Maths). Then let her go and do some reading and writing (she likes it).
I think that's everything covered.
We even went to the library, although I had to leave minutes later, once I'd inhaled and thereby used up the last remnant of oxygen in the place (Haringey).
And do you know, I EVEN went to yoga, and taught two classes. THIS is what is meant by home working.
I'm looking for the problems in the above, but I can't actually find any. It was a blissful day. All of us were at home, we all worked symbiotically with each other, no one shouted. IT'S THE TRUTH AND THE WAY. The whole of Western civilization is predicated on a lie! We don't need schools! We just need both parents working from home, slightly unfulfilled, and a lot of Bond papers.
I'll let you know when I've worked out what the downsides are.